Emotional Intelligence: Connecting to your emotions

By Rania Sa’adi,
Rapid Transformational Therapist & Clinaicl Hypnotherapist

We have been hearing a lot about Emotional Intelligence (EQ), and how important it is to have it or increase it, in order to have better and healthier relationships with people around us, resulting in a better quality of life.

But what does it really mean to be emotionally intelligent, and how can we acquire it?

Emotional Intelligence is the skill and ability to understand our emotions, in order to be able to regulate them.

 Persons who are emotionally intelligent are always in tune with their feelings. This person is also known for having high levels of empathy.

This also helps you understand other people’s feelings by putting yourself in their shoes.

 So, on top of being connected to yourself, you are also more connected to others resulting in stronger and healthier bonds.

Emptying pent up emotions

Most people find it difficult to understand and connect with their negative emotions like anger, sadness, or guilt.

These emotions are very uncomfortable to sit with and most people will take the easy way out by distracting, avoiding or numbing these feelings.

What happens over the years is that all of these pent up feelings are trapped in body, not knowing where to go.

They end up showing up in the form of physical symptoms, like migraines, ulcers, irritable colon, or bladder and cancer. And this is where emotional

Emptying pent up emotions… protects you from… physical and mental health issues

intelligence becomes handy; it helps you understand and acknowledge these feelings inside you— it also helps you to let go of them.

Thus, emptying pent up emotions as they come along protects you from future physical and mental health issues.

How? By using the “Triple A” formula we can empty our pent up emotions. Here’s how

1. Acknowledge: Name the feeling, admit it is there and allow it to be

2. Accept: Accept that it is okay to have this feeling, even if it is a negative one.

Say it to yourself: “it is ok to be mad, sad or even jealous.

These are perfectly normal human feelings, and there is nothing wrong with having them.”

3. Articulate: Repeat to yourself: “ I feel angry because….” , “ I feel anxious because…” and let the rest come out from within you.

Acknowledging, accepting and understanding why we have these emotions, is key to letting go.

Emotions We are born with five core emotions.

They are: Fear, anger, guilt, hurt and sadness.

And every emotion has a message and a reason.

By understanding why it is there (articulating) can help us get rid of that negative feeling. Here are a few examples on how to do this:

Fear is usually there to protect us, a message in the stressed person’s mind that goes as follows: “If I am always aware, alert of everything happening around me. I will be prepared for bad things when they happen, and therefore I can handle it better.”

Truth is, fear cripples us and prevents anyone from handling anything at all.

Understanding this helps us take control of that emotion and ultimately reduce it in our system.

Anger usually is born when someone feels unseen, unheard and therefore not important or valued enough.

This is when anger starts to creep into someone’s system, as a coping mechanism. It is the solution that the subconscious mind presents to assert a person’s presence, validate one’s existence and ensure that you are seen and heard.

Guilt can be found in the “people pleaser”. One may wish to make everyone happy and thus making oneself responsible for it.

Since this signs you up for “mission impossible” you have set yourself up for failure. When this happens, you feel down and disappointed.

Guilt will serve as the engine that keeps you stuck in that cycle.

These are just a few examples of how every emotion has a role and function in our lives. Once we accept and acknowledge these facts, we can move on to understanding the message behind the emotion, and let go of it.

Being in-tune with one’s feelings is key to increasing emotional intelligence

Being in-tune with one’s feelings is key to increasing emotional intelligence.

If you are well connected with your emotions, then you can sense and read others’ emotions as well, and thus connect with them on a deeper level, resulting in healthier and more flourishing relationships.

Reprinted with permission from Family Flavours magazine