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I wanted to remind myself what love looks like and what it doesn’t when it comes to us desperate dieters through a list. The reason why it’s so important to write these down is because we all have our vices and need to have a visual picture of what it looks like to love ourselves to a healthier version.

Here’s my list: 

•Beating ourselves up for messing up isn’t love, but forgiving ourselves and moving on is

•Starving ourselves to lose a few kilos isn’t love, but eating at set times is

•Gorging on sugary treats isn’t love, but treating ourselves to sweet encouraging self-talk is

•Being a couch-potato isn’t love, but getting up and moving is

•Drinking coffee all day long isn’t love, but drinking that water in is

•Smoking isn’t love, but taking deep breaths of fresh air is Stuffing your feelings isn’t love, but processing through the tough stuff is

•Numbing yourself with food or alcohol isn’t love, but allowing yourself to feel is

•Entertaining negative thinking is not love, but turning it into positive thinking is

•Obsessing about food and exercise is not love, but being determined to live life to the fullest is

•Aiming for perfection isn’t love, but seeking daily improvement is

•Fearing what other people think of us isn’t love, but making better choices for our own good is

•Self-destruction isn’t love, but self-awareness is

This list can go on indefinitely, but you get the gist of it. This doesn’t just include physical health because it starts with mental and emotional wellbeing.

Your thoughts

Before we ever decide what to put in our mouths or if we take the stairs or the elevator, our choice is already made up in our minds long before the action takes place. Therefore, beware of what you’re thinking. Your thoughts will either help you or destroy you and it is up to you which ones you wish to entertain.

Keep in mind what you focus on grows. One negative thought after another will in time snowball into a giant of a monster that will be so big it will overtake you. Likewise, one positive thought after another produces life-giving encouragement that will boost your mental capacity to move forward instead of backwards. 

This takes practice and a lot of repetition before it becomes second nature. Especially if you are surrounded by negative thinkers that tend to suck the joy out of you, leaving you depleted with nothing positive left in your bucket. 

One of the best tricks you’ll ever learn is not to depend on others to fill that bucket. Taking responsibility for your own wellbeing will serve you well for many years to come. 

Here’s to loving ourselves better one thought at a time, one choice at a time, one day at a time.

Reprinted with permission from Family Flavours magazine

DAFEN, China — Painters in a Chinese village once known for churning out replicas of Western masterpieces are now making original art worth thousands of dollars, selling their own works in a booming domestic art market.

Home to more than 8,000 artists, southern China’s Dafen has been producing near-perfect copies of timeless masterpieces for years.

In its heyday, three out of five oil paintings sold worldwide were made in the village, and for years village painters sold their copies to buyers across Europe, the Middle East and the United States.

Exports began to dip after the 2008 global financial crisis, and all but dried up when China slammed shut its borders in 2020 because of the coronavirus pandemic.

A few artists gave up and closed their studios. But others saw in the obstacles an opportunity to establish themselves as painters in their own right by catering to China’s art market — the second-biggest in the world, with sales jumping by 35 per cent in 2021.

Self-taught artist Zhao Xiaoyong used to sell replicas of Vincent van Gogh’s work for about 1,500 yuan ($220) each, while his original pieces fetch up to 50,000 yuan, he said.

When Zhao moved to Dafen from central China in 1997, his family shared a tiny two-bedroom apartment with five other tenants.

“Those days, there was an assembly line-style system, with each artist painting a small section of a larger piece, like an eye or a nose, before passing the piece to another painter to draw a limb or a shirt sleeve,” he told AFP.

After years of cranking out mock masterpieces, Zhao eventually saved enough money to visit the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam and the Saint-Paul Asylum in southern France, where the artist famously painted “The Starry Night”.

“I felt I could finally enter into his world instead of just copying his brush strokes,” Zhao said.

“I realised I had to come out of Van Gogh’s shadow and give life to my thoughts.”

Now he chronicles how the Dafen oil painting village has changed, using Van Gogh’s style: One canvas shows Zhao in a crowded workshop holding one of the Dutch painter’s self-portraits, while fellow artists nap on their desks. 

Since China’s dismantling of its zero-COVID policy in late 2022, the streets of Dafen are once again bustling with visitors, crouched in front of easels, slapping paint on canvases.

As well as immersing themselves in the artistic culture with painting lessons, many of the tourists come to buy pieces from the villagers, but their hunt for a good deal is another factor behind the fading market in handmade fakes.

In one alleyway, workers brush paint onto printed canvases of Duccio’s “Madonna and Child”.

These are sold for a knock-down price as low as 50 yuan per piece, while a hand-painted copy costs up to 1,500 yuan.

“We paint a few strokes over the printed image to make it look like an authentic oil painting,” said one artist, who declined to be named.

“Buyers think the printed background is painted using watercolours.”

Another Dafen-based artist on a mission to move on from painting imitations is Wu Feimin, who has carved out a niche selling Buddhist-themed art.

“I used to copy Picasso’s work, and now I have my distinct style,” Wu said, painting a giant face of the Buddha with a palette knife.

“It takes weeks, sometimes months, to complete one painting,” the artist said as he was getting ready for exhibitions in the village and the rich industrial hub of Guangzhou.

“It’s risky, but the margins are better.”

Other artists told AFP that they went back to school during the pandemic to learn how to draw mountains and weeping-willow trees seen in traditional Chinese landscape paintings.

“Wealthy Chinese buyers want art that reflects a Chinese aesthetic,” said Yu Sheng, a fine-art teacher who used the opportunity to retrain in the classical style.

While he continues to make ends meet by exporting replicas of Western works, he also creates his own pieces, determined to crack the more lucrative domestic market and become a portrait painter for the wealthy.

And he is confident in his abilities over those of artists from well-known schools. 

“Our technique is better because we paint every day, but we don’t have contacts with art dealers in big cities,” he said.

“Our survival depends on whether our work is recognised by China’s art buyers — we must learn to bend like bamboo.”

PARIS — Bacardi rum bottles, Skittles sweet wrappers, designer water bottles — a bevy of companies are developing biodegradable plastic packaging they say is better for the environment than traditional plastics.

While experts agree we should use less plastic in any form, some say as long as plastics are here to stay, we should be using degradable materials — and also pushing governments to help us dispose of them.

But amid confusion about what is or isn’t biodegradable, and in the absence of proper disposal facilities, some fear these “magical” solutions could lead to further environmental havoc and even encourage more wasteful consumption.

“People tend to believe they’re contributing to the protection of the planet while buying these products, but it’s not at all the case,” Gaelle Haut, EU affairs coordinator at Surfrider Foundation Europe, told AFP.

Synthetic petrochemical plastics can linger in the environment for hundreds of years. 

Biodegradable plastics generally break down quicker but they do need to be disposed of correctly, whether it’s in an industrial compost facility or a home compost, Haut said. 

But most people don’t have access to such facilities, meaning biodegradable plastics generally end up in recycling centres or landfills — or worse, the environment.

‘A lot of confusion’

From the United States to Europe to China, supermarket shelves are increasingly stocked with items packaged with “bioplastic” or “biodegradable”, “compostable” or “sustainable” plastics. 

Some companies even claim to have developed edible plastics.

Many governments don’t regulate such claims and most consumers don’t know what they mean. 

Bacardi says its biodegradable bottle for spirits will hit the shelves this year. Confectionery giant Mars-Wrigley has announced the roll-out of biodegradable Skittles packaging in the United States. 

And late last year, California start-up Cove launched what it said was the world’s first biodegradable plastic water bottle.

None of the firms responded to requests for interviews.

Several companies have emerged in recent years to help certify biodegradability claims and help consumers make sense of the terminology. 

“There is a lot of confusion on the market,” said Philippe Dewolfs, business manager at TUEV Austria, one of the world’s leading certifying agencies for biodegradable plastics, which is paid by companies to assess materials. 

Counterintuitively, bio-based plastics are not necessarily compostable or biodegradable, he said. 

These plastics contain at least some biomass feedstock like corn, potato starch, wood pulp or sugarcane — but may also contain fossil fuel-derived materials.

Conversely, biodegradable plastics may contain no biomass, but are designed to break down into CO2, water and biomass — usually in an industrial or home compost facility. 

Compostable items can either break down in industrial or home compost. In some cases they may biodegrade in landfill, but it depends on moisture, microorganisms, and the composition of the product.

In November, the European Commission proposed new rules on packaging to tackle waste and also clarify terms used to describe plastics presented as environmentally friendly. 

“Biodegradable plastics must be approached with caution,” it said. 

“They have their place in a sustainable future, but they need to be directed to specific applications where their environmental benefits and value for the circular economy are proven.” 

‘Eternal pollutants’

Some fear that confusion could lead to littering, adding to the world’s plastic pollution problem. 

“You will think ‘okay, so if I forgot my biodegradable plastic bag in the forest after a picnic, it’s not a problem because it will be biodegraded sitting in nature,’” said Moira Tourneur, advocacy manager at Zero Waste France. 

She said some consumers might not think twice about overconsuming biodegradable plastic products, believing they’re less polluting. 

“This is encouraging single plastic production,” she told AFP. 

Experts say consuming less plastic should be prioritised, opting for other materials such as glass or metal or reusing plastic as much as possible. 

Activists like Tourner say companies and governments should focus on standardising glass packaging for things like yoghurt and milk, so they can be returned to shops to be sterilised and reused. 

That could also help to reduce the mountains of plastic that end up in the environment every year, which break down into microparticles and enter our food chain ultimately to be ingested by humans and other animals. 

Microplastics have been found in soil, oceans, rivers, tap water and even in the blood, breast milk and placentas of humans. 

“They are eternal pollutants,” said Nathalie Gontard, research director at France’s national agriculture research institute. 

“Once these particles are dispersed... it’s impossible to take them back and separate them,” she added. “It’s too late.”

‘It’s a jungle’

But in a world where plastics are so pervasive, aren’t biodegradables better than “eternal pollutants?” 

“We can make an active decision as a society to choose a material that won’t persist,” said Phil Van Trump, chief science and technology officer at Danimer Scientific, a US-based firm mainly producing PHA biodegradable plastic, largely for food packaging and consumer goods. 

But plastics remain an important part of our industrialised economies, he said: “We need them.” 

Plastics are crucial, for example, in the healthcare and transport sectors. But once plastic products reach the end of their life, we should be able to biodegrade those not easily recycled or where waste infrastructure is absent or lacking — from coffee pots to ketchup packets to baby nappies, Van Trump said.

Experts on all sides of the biodegradable battleground agree that beyond reducing use, governments need to set up better disposal infrastructure to ensure biodegradable plastics don’t end up in oceans and on forest floors. 

Setting up industrial compost facilities and collection is a crucial first step. 

Governments also need to educate the public and punish companies that make misleading claims, said Haut of Surfrider Europe. 

“Otherwise it’s a jungle if we leave it to the companies to decide what they do.”

PARIS — Hollywood is having its second bash at sprinkling some movie magic on the “Super Mario Bros” video game franchise, three decades after the last attempt.

The pint-sized plumber from Japanese game maker Nintendo has enjoyed 40 years of extraordinary popularity that has transformed the character into a truly global icon.

The saviour

Nintendo owes a lot to its moustachioed hero, created by a young game designer called Shigeru Miyamoto initially as the protagonist in the “Donkey Kong” arcade game 1981.

The firm had been struggling to crack the North American market and, according to some accounts, was on the verge of financial ruin.

With Kong, the Japanese studio finally succeeded in the United States — and invented the platform video game along the way.

The hero was known as “Jumpman” until 1983 when he was given the name “Mario”.

Miyamoto then let him loose in his own “Super Mario Bros” game in 1985, where he was finally renamed “Super Mario”.

Gaming icon

The main Super Mario games have since shifted more than 400 million units.

And that does not account for wildly popular spinoffs like “Mario Kart” and “Mario Odyssey” or “Mario Golf” and “Mario Tennis”.

Mario’s stratospheric success helped propel Nintendo to the pinnacle of the gaming world.

Game designers have built a Mario universe with characters including his green-clad brother Luigi, turtle-demon nemesis Bowser and friendly dragon-like sidekick Yoshi.

The franchise has thrived through transitions from 2D to 3D and from consoles to smartphones with “Super Mario Run” and “Mario Kart Tour”.

And retro-gamers are still willing to pay big bucks for a slice of its history.

A sealed Nintendo 64 cartridge of “Super Mario” sold for $1.56 million in 2021, a record for a video game, according to Heritage Auctions in the US. 

“He is a pop culture icon known to everyone, young and old,” Morihiro Shigihara, a writer and former arcade manager, told AFP. 

“The only other video game character with a claim to be more famous is Pikachu,” he said, referencing the hero from the Pokemon franchise.

Global statesman

Japan’s late former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe was not known for his comic flair. 

So he surprised the world by rocking up to the 2016 Olympics in Rio — the official handover ceremony for Tokyo 2020 — dressed as Mario.

“I wanted to show Japan’s soft power to the world with the help of Japanese characters,” he told reporters afterwards.

“I wasn’t sure how the audience would react. But I received so many cheers.”

Mario was given perhaps an even stranger tribute by the authorities in the Spanish city of Zaragoza in 2010 when they named a new street Super Mario Bros Avenue. 

Though it is just around the corner from streets named after Space Invaders and Tetris.

Real-world empire

Nowadays, movie adaptations of video games are everywhere. Some, like “Resident Evil” and “Tomb Raider”, have become bankable franchises.

But Super Mario was there first with the 1993 movie “Super Mario Bros” starring Bob Hoskins and Dennis Hopper.

But it bombed. Critics and audiences hated it.

Nevertheless, the wider Mario universe has expanded undeterred with the genial working-class hero getting toy tie-ins with Lego, watches made by Tag Heuer, and a backpack range from Eastpak.

“Mario” theme parks are also popping up — first in Osaka in 2021, then Los Angeles last year, and a planned third “Super Mario World” in Florida.

One of the attractions being considered is the ultimate tie-in, where the real world and Mario world finally meet — an augmented reality “Mario Kart” race around Bowser’s castle.

GENEVA — Luxury watchmakers are using Snapchat and bitcoin to woo Generation Z, unused to wearing something on the wrist, believing younger buyers could become a powerful driver of sales growth for top-end timepieces. 

Millennials (born between 1980 and the late 1990s) and Generation Z (born between 1997 and 2010) are taking an early interest in luxury goods, according to a study by management consultants Bain & Company and the Italian luxury brands association Altagamma Foundation.

Their spending is expected to increase three times faster than that of other generations by 2030, it said.

At last week’s Watches and Wonders trade fair in Geneva, where 48 brands such as Rolex, Cartier and Patek Philippe showed off their latest creations, Swiss watchmakers were well aware of the trend.

“It is very important that once a year we showcase that wearing a watch is trendy, and even something for the youngest generation which is not used to wearing watches,” Rolex chief executive Jean-Frederic Dufour said during the annual fair.

The sector needs to reach out to a generation “used to seeing everything on a screen”, he said.

On a stand dedicated to innovation, representatives from the Snapchat instant messaging app showed off an application that lets people try on watches virtually, via a smartphone or tablet.

It adapts to the user’s wrist to try on, for example, Cartier’s flagship models and even allows them to customise the colours of Hublot watches.

In a nod to this generation, Hermes presented a collection with designs inspired by its silk scarves, including one representing a princess on horseback taking a selfie photo.

Wealth transfer

“The younger generation — contrary to popular belief — have more economic power than any generation that preceded them,” said Jean-Philippe Bertschy, an analyst with Swiss investment managers Vontobel.

“They are earning more, saving more, and investing earlier and at a higher rate than previous generations.”

An interesting yet still underestimated phenomenon is coming down the line, he added.

Millennials and Generation Z “are poised to be on the receiving end of a massive wealth transfer in the coming two decades, projected to total more than $80 trillion through 2045 for the US only”, he said.

In the nearer term, however, this generation is stifled by soaring housing costs, with Morgan Stanley analysts noting that according to the US census, almost half of US young adults aged 18 to 29 still live with their parents — a level not seen since the 1940s.

“They simply have more disposable income to be allocated to discretionary spending,” the analysts said.

On the other side of the Pacific, H. Moser chief executive Edouard Meylan said that a “younger, more digitalised” clientele was emerging in Asia.

“More than 50 per cent of sales in China are to Gen Z and Millennials,” he told AFP.

The brand has also carried out sales in bitcoin, including a 350,000-Swiss franc ($380,000) watch that sold for 10 Bitcoins, which was then the equivalent price when the digital currency was booming.

“We filmed the transaction,” said Meylan.

According to Morgan Stanley analysts, so-called icon watches — the flagship models of major brands — “resonate particularly well” with a generation quick to post pictures of their purchases on Instagram.

They want “instantly recognisable products”, especially so for watches given that they “rely much less on logos and monograms than leather goods and ready to wear”.

Some, on the other hand, “want to stand out with a watch that others won’t have”, said Christophe Hoppe, a Frenchman now living in Australia, where he founded the Bausele brand after a career in watch-making in Switzerland.

“We had lost this generation with mobile phones, but found it again with the Apple Watch,” he told AFP.

He recently teamed up with social media influencers to sell a $1,200 model online.

“They got back into the habit of wearing something on the wrist with connected watches, and now they want something else,” he said.

An antidote to now ubiquitous but compromised 3-row crossovers and car-based MPVs offering seven or eight passenger capacity, the Ford Tourneo Custom is instead a more dedicated and eminently more spacious and comfortable alternative.

First launched in 2012, updated in 2017 and still available in some regional markets even as a further face-lift is being rolled out, the Tourneo Custom offers eight or nine passenger capability with plenty of room for luggage. Functional, flexible and frugal, it also proved to be an unexpectedly fun and eager drive.

Unpretentiously utilitarian

The well-equipped and comfortable passenger sister model to Ford’s Transit van light commercial vehicle, the Tourneo’s van-derived body is practical and well-packaged, with a uniform rectangular shape aft of the A-pillars, to maximise cabin capacity. 

Featuring a muscular front bumper with deep intakes and foglight surrounds, and large horizontally-slatted grille, the Tourneo’s styling flourishes also include a gradually rising waistline, bulbous wheel-arches and slim vertical rear lights that combined, create a sense of darting urgency to how its sits on the road.

Utilitarian and unpretentious, the Tourneo’s low floor, tall roof and regular shape provide significantly better cabin and cargo room than more fashionable SUVs and crossovers, or car-derived people carriers. With highly configurable rear seating allowing conference-style seating for six, it can accommodate up to nine people with 2,000-litres of cargo behind the rear row or 2,800-litre cargo with rear rows folded. Removing rear rows entirely, however, yields far more space, well accessed through a vast 1,400mm wide, 1,340mm high rear liftgate, and over a low 589mm lift-over height.

Pulling with conviction

Positioned transversely behind its signature big, bold and hexagonal signature Ford grille and swept back headlights, the Tourneo Custom is powered by a turbocharged 2.2-litre common-rail diesel 4-cylinder engine. Available in 99BHP guise for the short wheelbase variant, the driven long wheelbase Tourneo Custom, however, receives a more powerful version developing 123BHP at 3,500rpm and 258lb/ft torque at 1,450rpm. Driving its front wheels through a slick shifting 6-speed manual gearbox, the LWB version is capable of a 157km/h maximum, and returns low 6.5l/100km combined fuel efficiency.

Confident and capable if not outright fast, the Tourneo accelerates at good pace and overtakes with versatile response on highway. Pulling with convincing vigour through its somewhat narrow diesel mid-range band between peak torque and power, it is nevertheless rewarding and engaging when working through is quick gear shifts and light but intuitive clutch biting point to maintain revs percolating at its maximum thrust sweet spot.

With slight turbo lag from idling speed as to be expected, the Tourneo, however, revs more freely than many other turbo diesels.

Unexpectedly nimble

Surprisingly eager through corners, the Tourneo is happy to be hustled along snaking and sweeping fast corners, where it seems nimble, alert and agile by van standards, and even so in long wheelbase specification. 

Almost hatchback-like in its instincts, the Tourneo turns in with good bite, with its moderately-sized 215/65R16 tyres providing a good compromise between grip and slip. 

Instilling confidence in its handling abilities, grip limits and progressive at the limit understeer, the Tourneo’s steering is light, quick and well-weighted electric-assisted steering feels alert and communicative for its class.

Manoeuvrable and agile for a large MPV, the Tourneo’s long wheelbase provides reassuring road-holding, but precludes more playful mid-corner adjustability at the rear. Sportier and more engaging than typical, the Tourneo’s body lean is also better contained than expected. 

On motorway, the Tourneo is, meanwhile, refined and reassuring, with less diesel clatter and better sound insulation than lesser diesel vehicles. Stable, settled and smooth at speed, the tall, upright Tourneo is, however, susceptible to slight wind buffeting when driven unladen on open desert roads.

Spacious seating

Nimble for a 2-tonne, 5.3-metre long mini-van, the Tourneo Custom LWB is also comfortable and forgiving with its absorbent tall tyres. That said, it should be even more settled and smooth when its tough leaf spring suspension is loaded with passengers or cargo. User-friendly and manoeuvrable in town, the Tourneo benefits from a tight 12.8-metre turning circle and terrific front road views with its comfortable, high driving position, and short, low bonnet. Rear views are meanwhile helped by large side mirrors and a reversing camera.

A comfortable, welcoming and well-equipped affair with safety, convenience, comfort and assistance systems, the Tourneo features easy to use controls and layouts, and has good in-class cabin quality and design. 

Enormously accommodating and versatile, its cabin is accessed through dual 1,320mm tall and 1,030mm wide sliding side doors for tight parking spaces, and wide conventional front doors. Available with two captain’s front seats or independent driver’s and twin passenger front seats, its rear 3-pasenger rows can recline, fold, tilt or be altogether removed.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

• Engine: 2.2-litre, turbo diesel, transverse 4-cylinders
• Bore x stroke: 86 x 94.6mm
• Valve-train: 16-valve, DOHC, common rail direct injection
• Gearbox: 6-speed manual, front-wheel-drive
• Final drive: 4.19:1
• Power, BHP (PS) [kW]: 123 (125) [92] @3,500rpm
• Specific power: 56BHP/litre
• Power-to-weight: 61BHP/ton
• Torque, lb/ft (Nm): 258 (350) @1,450rpm
• Specific torque: 159.2Nm/litre
• Torque-to-weight: 173.2Nm/ton
• Maximum speed: 157km/h
• Fuel consumption, combined: 6.5-litres/100km
• CO2emissions, combined: 172g/km
• Length: 5,339mm
• Width: 1,986mm
• Height: 2,022mm
• Wheelbase: 3,300mm
• Side door entry height/width: 1,320/1,030mm
• Liftgate entry height/width: 1,340/1,400mm
• Liftover height: 589mm
• Luggage volume, behind 3nd row/3rd row folded: 2,000-/2,800-litres
• Seating: 8/9-passengers
• Fuel capacity: 80-litres
• Kerb weight: 2,020kg
• Gross vehicle mass: 3,000kg
• Gross combination mass, 4,600kg
• Towing mass, braked/unbraked: 1,600/750kg
• Steering: Electric-assisted rack and pinion
• Turning circle: 12.8-metres
• Suspension, F/R: MacPherson struts, anti-roll bars/leaf springs
• Brakes, F/R: Ventilated discs, 308 x 33mm/discs, 308 x 16mm
• Tyres: 215/65R16

• Song of a Migrant Bird
• Janset Berkok Shami
• Published by Amazon
• July 24, 2022
• Pp. 442 (14 pages of photographs)

From the very first line of this memoir in which the author asks the eternal philosophical questions “what is life”, “what is your aim in life”, the reader is hooked. But unlike in a whodunit, you do not have to read the entire book to find Berkok Shami’s answer to the latter. It comes immediately: “Hoping for immortality”.

This book, like the “two novels, six short story collections and a book about her friendship with the artist Princess Fahrelnissa, her mentor” by the same writer, is sure to help her reach immortality, in the process making the reader privy to a rich life and sharp, inquisitive mind that could be the envy of many, tens of years younger than her.

Born in Istanbul in 1927, she started writing Song of a Migrant Bird at 86 and completed it when she was 90. At 96, talking to her, one cannot but be in awe. Ramrod straight and quite sprightly for a nonagenarian, lucid, with a subtle sense of humour and full of accounts from her long and rich life, Berkok Shami is a well of stories that are still waiting to be told, and tell she might, despite protestations to the contrary. 

“I may have writer’s block,” she said, not fully convinced or convincing. It would be a pity to keep those thoughts bubbling to come to the surface down, for, hers is a prodigious memory and a life worth knowing. 

In flowing language that keeps the reader riveted, Berkok Shami introduces to the reader her Circassian ancestors, strong, mostly educated, affluent, influential figures in the Ottoman Empire. The paternal grandfather, hard working, ambitious and smart, would become an army officer sent to the Caucasus front during World War I. But he would also write, “seven books on military subjects”, and the history of the Caucasus, and that may have had an influence on his granddaughter.

The maternal grandmother, “of the Ubykh branch of Circassians” died when Berkok Shami’s mother was less than 40 days old. Raised by a kind stepmother who, together with the entire household, would not let her know she was not her mother, she only found out the truth in the “early married years”, and then, because of a photo in an old album.

Like in Byzantine court intrigue, the writer describes the squabbling of her maternal grandfather’s wives, the colourful lives of close and distant relatives and the education of their different offspring, which all reads like a captivating thriller. But she also talks about her childhood and that of her two brothers, raised by a strong, competent mother and a career officer who would be mostly away or absorbed in his book writing.

Born “in the safety of the Turkish Republic” on April 7, 2027, she has little recollection of her very early childhood in the Sisli district of Istanbul, but vivid memories of her life later, which makes for enthralling reading. One could see the Bosporus yalis, the quarters in Istanbul, Ankara and everywhere else life would take her, smell the jasmine she would choose for the hide and seek game, get an inkling of a relatively privileged life, but also of those days when there were still slave girls and harem oud players, society was stratified and “distinction between classes lingered” even after Ataturk had declared that “citizens of the new republic were stripped of ‘class and privileges’”.

Reminiscences about childhood and school days are interspersed with philosophical musings and questions; the language flows easily, filled with descriptions, humorous observations, sounds, smells and colours that bring places, people and moods to life. 

An astute judge of character, the author’s describes friends and acquaintances in detail, pointing out qualities and flaws. Her family — strong mother, withdrawn father, two brothers — is portrayed with care and great complexity. 

The main narrative is interspersed with poems and small fictitious stories that, like Scheherazade’s, transport the reader in another world and keep him glued to the pages. One, thus, finds out about summer holidays spent swimming, about Berkok Shami’s school performance and about the trip to Syria and Lebanon where she would meet her future husband. But also about some historical events and societal developments she witnessed in the course of her life, and they were many.

Teeming with characters, descriptions and astute observations about the people she would meet, the book springs a surprise or two (actually quite many) on the reader, to whom individuals who counted one way or another to the writer are introduced. And then, bringing the past to life, she talks about Jordan that she came to know in 1951, when her Circassian husband Khalid brought her to live in Irbid and where she would spend most of her adult life and raise her two children.

“She gives an intimate account of adapting to a new culture, and also shows how modernisation and the recurring regional turbulence of the 20th century impacted people’s daily lives,” says the back cover of the book.

The birth of her two children (a boy and a girl), building the first house (in Marka), basking in “my first publishing success”, in London, “with Cornhill, the quarterly magazine published by John Murray”, “sending my voice to the BBC station’s listeners”, and the marionette making and shows that made the writer and her children “professionals” with their own show on Jordan TV give more detailed insight into the mesmerising life of this ingenious, constantly-on-the-move woman.

Holidays with her now successful adult children, constant questioning of choices made, much introspection abound.

Through it all, the strongest message makes itself heard. Instilled by her mother, it enjoins: “Failure? It is impossible!”

Proof, in Berkok Shami’s case is this book, which can be purchased through Amazon.

By Rania Sa’adi 
Licensed Rapid Transformational Therapist and Clinical Hypnotherapist

“Love yourself” is becoming more and more of a cliché that we keep on hearing. Yet, no one really knows what it means and I get asked about it a lot! So here goes… 

Contrary to the common understanding, “Love yourself” doesn’t mean to be self-centred. It simply means, to put yourself first and to take care of yourself. In this manner, you will be able to take care of others.

The Carer

Some people adopt early on the role of “Carer” in their lives. The person who usually tends to be a people-pleaser and who puts everyone’s needs before hers or his. In any relationship, the Carer ends up giving so much more than what is received from the other person. 

The Carer quickly becomes drained, is constantly tired, and exhausted both physically and mentally. Carers find it difficult to ask for help, always complaining about how they are always attending to others’ needs, yet no one does the same for them. 

Value and worth

And this is where “Loving yourself” begins to make sense because it simply means to give value and worth to yourself and stop waiting for others to give it to you. Increasing one’s self-esteem, starts with the positive words you tell yourself every day. 

“I am good enough, just the way I am” is a start. The mind learns by repetition and the more you say it to yourself, the more it becomes real. You immediately feel better, act better, and consequently get better results in your life. 

So next time you look at yourself in the mirror, notice what you say to yourself. Do you say kind words, or do you put yourself down? If you do put yourself down, then ask yourself another question, do you talk to a friend or a small child in that same manner? The answer is probably “No”. So why would you talk to yourself in that way?

Loving yourself

Loving yourself means appreciating yourself and taking care of yourself so that you can take care of others. How can you love and care for someone if you don’t have it yourself? Everything starts with you. 

So, ask yourself again, do you eat well? Drink enough water? Exercise and walk in nature? Do you allocate some time for yourself to do something you love? 

Loving yourself also means knowing to what extent you allow people to disrespect, criticise you or put you down. It means knowing how to respond to these situations. Most people respond in two ways: 

• Passively: Internalising everything and not expressing oneself, so that the other person is not hurt.

• Aggressively: Expressing oneself in an aggressive way, without considering the other person’s feelings

A self-loving, self-respecting person will do neither this nor that. The right way to respond is by responding assertively. Knowing your rights and obligations towards the other person is key. And from this comes the right response.

Finally, ask yourself one more time, are you the type of person who keeps apologising to people? “Carers” often believe that it is their responsibility to make it better for everyone around them. And this is what we call “mission impossible”. So, when they fail, they feel guilty and start apologising again.

Reprinted with permission from Family Flavours magazine

COCKEYSVILLE, Maryland — Knitting has surged in popularity once again in the United States in this age of pandemics and self-care. 

But on a sunny March afternoon just outside the nation’s capital, one club of enthusiasts sets itself apart: the 10 or so people clicking their needles are men.

DC Men Knit meets twice a month in the Washington area to knit or crochet scarves, hats and blankets. The goal? Relaxation, friendship and reclaiming a pastime historically enjoyed by men and women.

The group’s coordinator Gene Throwe says he hopes to “provide a safe space for men to knit together and trade our skills with one another, to help each other out, because knitting has for quite a while been viewed as a female vocation”.

The 51-year-old Throwe, an office manager for a national association of nursing schools, puts some finishing touches on a brown sweater with a subtle golden pattern that he’s been making on and off for years.

Like many of his fellow knitters, Throwe grew up watching his grandmother work magic with her needles. That feeling of nostalgia turned to regret as he watched the hobby fall by the wayside, in favour of more modern pursuits.

One day, he realised he could do something to revive it.

“Why do I have to expect the women to do it — I can do it too!” he recalled.

The members of DC Men Knit tend to spark a degree of fascination when they meet in public places — but no hostility or discrimination.

“It’s always some grandmotherly type person that... stares at us, like we just landed from Mars,” Throwe says with a laugh.

“And then they’ll just start asking us questions about what we’re working on.”

Historically, men have always been knitters, from those who ran lucrative medieval knitting guilds to the schoolboys in World War II Britain who made blankets for the troops.

For those who are passionate about the craft, the latest craze is nothing out of the ordinary.

In his shorts in near-freezing temperatures, and a fanny pack around his waist, Sam Barsky doesn’t fit the mold of the usual social media influencer. But he has nearly 500,000 followers on Instagram and TikTok combined.

Barsky — a self-styled “knitting artist” — has won over fans with his freehand knitting and his unique sweater designs, which are inspired by landscapes and nature, monuments or works of art. 

Niagara Falls, Stonehenge, the New York City skyline, penguins, robots, the Wizard of Oz: Barsky takes it all on and has sweaters not just for Christmas but for every occasion — birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Hanukkah, you name it.

He even has a sweater dedicated to... his sweaters, with about 30 of his creations knitted in miniature form. His work has been displayed at the American Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore.

“Knitting is not just for grandmas. Knitting is for anyone of any age or gender who wants to do it, who enjoys doing it,” he told AFP in an interview at Oregon Ridge Nature Centre in Cockeysville, Maryland, north of Baltimore.

It was in the park that he kept knitting when the coronavirus pandemic brought travel to a screeching halt.

The park’s trees, some of which were painted in 2017 by people who overcame drug and alcohol addiction, have been immortalised on one of Barsky’s sweaters against a golden background.

While Barsky is keen to travel once again, he says the pandemic was not all bad for him personally: his TikTok account, which he opened in September 2020, quickly attracted a bigger following than the Instagram account he’d been using for years.

Once people were free to meet up in person again, his knitting circles “got much, much larger crowds because lots of other people picked up knitting in that period of time,” he said.

Like breadmaking or pottery, knitting and other sewing arts were revitalised during the first months of the pandemic as a way for penned-in Americans to combat their boredom and anxiety — a scenario repeated around the world.

Even former first lady Michelle Obama has taken up the hobby, showing off the sweaters she made for president husband Barack in promotional appearances for her latest book.

In the DC Men Knit group, each member found a purpose.

For Throwe, knitting is reclaiming an art form that “can be modern and useful”.

Devlin Breckenridge, a 48-year-old video game aficionado, says he wanted to “do something a little more creative... instead of digitally killing something,” and knitting fit the bill.

And for Michael Manning, a 58-year-old retired government worker, the soothing repetitiveness of knitting is “just very relaxing.”