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By Nathalie Khalaf,
Holistic Counsellor
This is a question we have all asked ourselves over and over and a topic we are all after.
Maybe the answer varies from one person to another, as it does from one stage of life to another.
A personal experience
True happiness is a deeply personal experience and it is often defined by a sense of inner fulfilment and peace, but most people may misinterpret pleasure and excitement as happiness and get rather disappointed when it doesn’t last for too long.
‘‘Happiness needs to be defined as an inner state’’
That search turns into somewhat of an addiction and we never really reach our goal.
Happiness needs to be defined as an inner state rather than something outside of us, something we achieve through external circumstances or material possessions.
Happiness stems from our thoughts and how they shape our lives.
While scientists, philosophers, artists and dreamers may define happiness in their own unique ways, we all agree it is a vital ‘state of being’ we strive to attain.
Deep within, we recognise its significance for our overall well-being — mental, emotional and physical.
The energy of happiness rejuvenates and empowers us, becoming a source of vitality and strength.
So, how do we achieve happiness?
Out of all the quotes on happiness out there I feel these two will help us answer this question: “Happiness can exist only in acceptance” — George Orwell.
“Loving myself and thinking joyful, happy thoughts is the quickest way to create a wonderful life” — Louise Hay.
Through my years of study and experience working on my issues and helping my clients through theirs, I came to realise that happiness should not be a goal but rather a byproduct of the way we think, feel and act when we know how to go about our lives.
The biggest challenge I had, and perhaps many people have, was true acceptance.
Acceptance here means full abandonment of the need to control outcomes, people and situations.
Accepting ourselves
Acceptance of life and others as they are.
With that said, the work always starts with ourselves by fully accepting ourselves, with all that we are, with no criticism, competition, or judgment.
If we are constantly seeking happiness, it is also an indication there is nonacceptance of other emotions that must be experienced and felt.
From my personal experience, and after struggling with my resistance to how things are and how they feel, I gradually learned to accept things and ‘relax into being’ and ‘living’ life.
Happiness, indeed, came as a deep feeling encompassing many other feelings, such as satisfaction, inner peace, gratitude and a certain letting go, which felt so liberating!
The work on oneself allows for the gradual release of all judgment, expectation and criticism and allows for the loving thoughts and feelings that start emitting energy we soon attract all around us.
But please don’t just take my word for it. Do try it yourself.
In today’s world, there is a huge emphasis on constantly creating happiness and being happy without teaching us how to go about all other emotions.
The full range of emotions
People may not be encouraged to look deep into why they are not feeling happy, while others may start feeling they need to hide the fact that they are not happy, but need to wear a mask of happiness to fit their workspace and be accepted by work colleagues or society.
Indeed, I feel such an attitude leads to more stress for adults to constantly be looking for things outwardly to say and pretend that they are happy, and eventually, that stress is mirrored in the younger generations and children who feel they ‘have’ to be happy all the time.
We need to learn to accept and feel the full range of emotions we are blessed to have as human beings to create health on a mental, emotional as well as physical level.
When you land in Dubai, you can see large floor stickers across the main hall after customs.
The stickers say, “Welcome to the happiest city in the world.”
I have often wondered what that meant and why it was important to have such an advertisement, especially when many who live and work here know how stressful life can get with the increasing competitiveness, work hours and increase in the cost of living.
“You can practice gratitude when you wake up and before you go to sleep”
Meanwhile, many thousands of kilometres to the East, Bhutan has been globally known since 1972 for the focus the country gives to its Gross Annual Happiness Index.
The government focuses on what its citizens really need instead of focusing on how some can make and accumulate more money and possessions, which we all know leads us down a dark rabbit hole with no end.
Your happiness score today
My task for you this month: On a scale of 0 – 10, where is your happiness score today?
Write down why you feel you are at that score.
What do you feel makes you unhappy and what steps do you feel you can take to help achieve more happiness?
A simple exercise to achieve small steps of daily happiness: You can practice gratitude when you wake up and before you go to sleep.
Recall to yourself five things you are grateful to have.
I feel gratitude helps with shifting our energy.
Wishing you acceptance, love and joy.
Reprinted with permission from Family Flavours magazine
