Jumping the fence

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence — we all know that. But how many of us have read the catchy rhyme that goes like this, “As a rule, man’s a fool. When it’s hot, he wants it cool. When it’s cool, he wants it hot. Always wanting what is not.”

I don’t know who wrote these lines because no one has come forward to claim them. And, therefore, the author remains anonymous. But I can still picture the figure of the person that drilled it into my head: the diminutive nun in my convent school who recited it over and over again — before, during and after class. 

Now the thing with the Jesuit teachers was that they never uttered a word out of place or more than was strictly necessary. Also, if they could help it, they supplied a proverb to, sort of, enhance everything that they said. Most of their discourse was didactic in nature, sometimes comically so. For instance, if a sermon began with “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and ended with “out of sight out of mind”, it left the listeners pretty confused. Were we supposed to miss the absent persons or forget about them? 

Questioning them was a big no-no. Not because they did not have an answer, of course they did. But there was simply no telling at which point it would turn into an additional homework assignment with the poor questioner having to memorise complete chapters for an impromptu quiz the next day. Believe me, I had to mug up entire Act 1 to Act 4 of Julius Caesar once. Mark Antony’s speech from Act 3 Scene 2 is something I can recite even in my sleep. To this day, that is. 

And so, when I started interviewing people in my newspaper job, it came in handy. The interviewees would be absolutely taken aback when I nonchalantly quoted passages from literary classics. They had no idea about my small town background and the role the disciplinarian nuns had in my upbringing. 

I loved writing profiles. From sportspersons, scientists, actors, dancers, artists to even comediennes. I remember doing a story on a clown once. He was part of a circus that was touring Johannesburg at the time. His reputation preceded him and he was supposed to be a tough taskmaster. “Better a witty fool than a foolish wit,” he cited at the very outset. It is a good thing I remembered my “Twelfth Night”, thanks to one more of my tedious school projects and could quip “take the fool away” as an immediate rejoinder. He dissolved into laughter and after that it was smooth sailing.

But recently I was put on the other side of the fence, so to speak. After doing endless number of interviews, a newspaper in India, my home country, wanted to interview me. I was very excited to meet the vivacious journalist. The voice on the phone sounded very poised and confident. But when she turned up at my doorstep with pen, paper and a Dictaphone, I realised she was also younger than my daughter. Rather than assuring me, I had to spend the first few minutes in reassuring her, and putting her out of her nervousness. 

“Meeting went well?” my husband asked. 

“As a rule man’s a fool,” I started.

“Aha! The nuns again!” spouse exclaimed. 

“Exactly,” I said. 

“Between the fence caught?” he laughed. 

“Wanting what is not,” I agreed.